In einer gemeinsamen Presseaussendung bieten Innsbrucks Bürgermeisterin und Tirols Landeshauptmann Innsbruck als Austragungsort des Eurovision Song Contest 2015 an. In frage kommt hier wohl nur die Olympiaworld mit Platz für maximal 12.000 ZuschauerInnen. So eine Chance lasse ich mir nicht entgehen. Dieses Ding will ich moderieren. Und ich habe Gründe dafür. Sechs an der Zahl. Hier mein Offener Brief an Bürgermeisterin, Landeshauptmann, ORF und all die anderen europäischen Sendeanstalten. Out reasons of better understanding naturally in english, is yes clear.
Dear majorin from Innsbruck,
dear landchief from Tirol,
dear my GIS-Gebühr taking ORF,
dear all the other peoples of the broadcasting firms in Europe (by the way: hey BBC, when you in a documentation about comedy in a tourismus region interested are: call me on – every time, round of the clock)
I will please the Eurovision Song Contest 2015 moderate.
Well, what qualifies me therefor:
– I can a microfone failer-free hold. For the right hand can I it guarantee. For a guarantee with the left hand must I a little training.
– I know all the main towns of the european lands. Also … the most. The important ones. For the not so important main towns have I my old geography teacher as telefon joker.
– My english is the all bestest. The Mister Andi Knoll can himself browsing go. Or the Miss Weichselbraun. Or who also ever. During a Polter-weekend in London have I fluently english learned, as you here reading can.
– I have a sentimental binding to the olympia hall: As I 12 years old was, had I my first five-o-clock-tea ice-skating rendezvous. It has in the clinic ended: with a broken arm. And a broken hard, but this does nothing to the Sache.
– I offer my Stirn as a billig product-placement-place: Just give me a negativ-schablone with the Inn’sbruck-Logo and put it on my Stirn while the sun shines. On the next day, in the ideal case is it the Song Contest day, will I a fat sunburn on my Stirn have and all peoples can the Inn’sbruck-Logo seeing. Bam!
– I will always a joke on my lips have, which important is, when it an unexpected break gives. Here one of my most bestest: „Meet themselves two hunters“. Is this not super? It goes also more alpine-tyrolean: „What is white and disturbs while having lunch? An avalange.“ Double-Bam!
When you not me as moderator take, offer I me as singer of the austrian song contest song. But … when I on my singing qualities think, it’s many better me as moderator to take. Believe me.
Sodala (which is an un-oversetzable word),
than wait I on your reaction.
With friendly greetings,
I to you.
PS: optional could I also moderate in the rhythm of the tyrolean hymne or making a jonglage with 3 or 4 cheespressknödls, just me let know. My ground-set is: I am not to buyable, but for money I doing all.